Kenton Derstine is an associate professor of supervised ministry here at EMU. He came to speak with our class a little while ago about navigating the passage onto death from a family approach. I found his perspective to be insightful and I hope you will too.

Kenton Derstine is an associate professor of supervised ministry here at EMU. He came to speak to our class today about navigating the life cycle passage of death from a “family” approach. This is an important topic to discuss with our class because we all will eventually embark on our futures into the medical field. Further, each one of us will have to interact with family members when one of their loved ones passes away in a health setting. He emphasizes that death is a natural process that people have to deal with before (if a loved one is terminally ill) and after an individual passes away. Murray Bowen is one of the practitioners and theorists who spent time studying how family impacted individual function. Furthermore, Bowen is someone Derstine uses as a mentor and integrates many of his theories and ideals amongst his current teaching approaches. One of Bowen’s most fundamental ideas is to think of the family as an emotional unit. Individuals in a family play different roles and approach situations in different aspects. Derstine leaves us with an interesting thought before commencing with his lecture: how do you help a family make good decisions amongst all the characteristics of each family member?

Derstine mentions that he is a bee keeper and references bee colonies as a useful way to refer to the family unit. If an individual were to only study an individual bee, this may lead to some useful information, however it would be a very limited understanding of the bee’s life cycle when it is amongst other bees in the colony as well. It would also be important to understand some critical survival behaviors, as well as gain understanding of how bees work as a whole in a colony. The same motivation is present in humans as well.  Emotions play a tremendous part in group dynamics, particularly where family is concerned. Many of the emotional processes that are common to families are also found in families in other communities. Derstine tells us that it is important to look at an individual with a “systems view”, because it is not effective to fully discern someone from the individual perspective when studying an entire family. According to Bowen, there are two basic life forces that exist within everyone: the force for togetherness and the force to be an individual. If either of these is inhibited, dysfunction will likely be present.

Anxiety functions as a significant variable in the family/group and will influence the reactions of those in a group. Humans are often prone to chronic anxiety, which can arise for a variety of reasons. Anxiety has a profound effect on the human physiology and has been found to suppress aspects of the immune system. In fact, Derstine unveils evidence from a poll which concluded that a number of Americans are claiming to be lonely. This number has increased drastically over the past 25 years, from 20% to 40%.  When anxiety increases, our capacity to make rational decisions will also be affected. This conveys that mental health and well-being are just as important as other medical issues, such as diet and exercise.

When people are reminded of death, many will tend to judge, become defensive and join groups of “like mindedness”, which are environments in which they feel the most comfortable and at ease. Thus, how does one approach a family group to help modulate and transform the anxiety into a healing atmosphere? The answer to this question is challenging because of the many complex layers present in families. Death threatens to interrupt the overall family dynamic and it can either pull a family apart or help to bring them together. It was interesting to learn that more fallouts and reconciliations occur during passage of death than at any other time in the life cycle. Another interesting note pertains to the initiation of the grief process itself, because sometimes people are not able to cope with death as soon after it happens. There are times that one is not able to begin the grieving process until many years after the loved one passed on. Further, adjustment to loss relates to how the family as a whole responds to the loss, as well as how they respond to each other as well. All in all, it seems as if the best way to work as an open system in a family is to find ways to cultivate open and equal relationships with the family as a whole. As a family finds new and unique ways to interact with each other, their relationships amongst each other will evolve and improve for the better as well.