{"id":7133,"date":"2015-07-28T13:33:43","date_gmt":"2015-07-28T17:33:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/?p=7133"},"modified":"2015-07-28T13:33:43","modified_gmt":"2015-07-28T17:33:43","slug":"enabling-difficult-conversations-to-be-respectful","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/2015\/07\/enabling-difficult-conversations-to-be-respectful\/","title":{"rendered":"Enabling Difficult Conversations to Be Respectful"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Alastair<\/a>
Alastair McKay, MA \u201999, with CJP restorative justice professor Howard Zehr when both were at SPI in the late 1990s.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When the Church of England installed its first woman bishop, 48-year-old Libby Lane, on March 8, 2015 \u2013 on International Women\u2019s Day \u2013 it represented the culmination of years of debate, lobbying, anguish and finally respectful conversation to arrive at what one senior leader called this \u201cnew chapter\u2026in the Church of England.\u201d*<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s the \u201crespectful conversation\u201d part that interests us here. Bridge Builders contributed to making this conversation possible and thus, arguably, to making it possible for the Church of England to arrive at this new chapter of ordaining women as bishops, without breaking up over it.<\/p>\n

The respectful conversation was proposed by the Archbishop of Canterbury\u2019s first \u201cdirector for reconciliation,\u201d David Porter. Porter proposed that a full day of the General Synod\u2019s \u201cbusiness time\u201d in July 2013 be devoted to facilitated dialogue in small groups. Alastair McKay<\/strong>, MA \u201999, then executive director of Bridge Builders, contributed to the design of the day and referred a dozen people trained by Bridge Builders to be facilitators of these small-group conversations.<\/p>\n

\u201cSuch dialogue is about seeking a way to grow in understanding of one another,\u201d wrote McKay at the time. \u201cIt opens up the possibility of exploring how each participant has arrived at a particular position, and why some things are important to him or her. It gives participants a chance to engage with one another\u2019s story. And it offers the prospect of real and deeper listening to one another.\u201d<\/p>\n

Moving away from the debate mode marked by entrenched positions, the conversation mode requires time and a \u201cskilled facilitator who can maintain a calm presence in the face of others\u2019 anxiety,\u201d said McKay. The facilitator needs to establish \u201csafe space\u201d by establishing a clear process and securing a commitment to the process.<\/p>\n

The aim in July 2013 was to encourage participants to understand each other\u2019s positions and to grow in mutual respect as they did so, McKay said. \u201cThe two key fruits of any effective dialogue process are that of journeying together and of building relationships.\u201d<\/p>\n

When the members of the Synod later moved to a formal decision-making context, they were more moderate in their language than they had been previously. They appeared to treat those with different views more respectfully, rather than as stereotypes.<\/p>\n

\u201cAs Christian disciples, we need to expect that we will disagree with one another,\u201d wrote McKay of that era before the Church of England shifted its historical stance and permitted women to be bishops. \u201cWhat becomes critical is how we disagree, whether we can stay in one another\u2019s company on the journey, and whether we can deepen our relationships with one another in the way that Jesus longed and prayed for, for his disciples.\u201d<\/p>\n

Facilitated dialogue helps on a much smaller scale, as well. In a local parish recently, a church leader trained by Bridge Builders was wrestling with this contentious issue in his congregation: the use of a digital projector and screen to display the words of the worship service.<\/p>\n

\u201cHaving learned a thing or two at Bridge Builders\u2019 residential and one-day courses,\u201d wrote James (not his real name), \u201cI started with a Bible study on the handling of conflict in Acts 6, then asked everyone in the room for their opinions\u2026. \u2018What makes you think that? What is your underlying concern?\u2019<\/p>\n

\u201cThere was some vigorous disagreement. Some quite difficult things were said\u2026We asked for ideas to meet one or more underlying concerns \u2013 we got several, and then looked at them to see which might be effective at meeting those concerns. It became clear that there was a good consensus on two or three principles \u2013 that we wanted to keep using the projector, but that the screen was in the wrong place and the words weren\u2019t always easy to see.\u201d Everyone agreed to set up a task force to recommend practical solutions.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt felt as if we\u2019d had a grown-up conversation in a Christian spirit,\u201d said James. \u201cIt had taken us from some anger to a sense of moving forward together.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

* <\/em><\/strong>The legislation permitting women to be bishops in the Church of England was adopted in November 2014.<\/em><\/small><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When the Church of England installed its first woman bishop, 48-year-old Libby Lane, on March 8, 2015 \u2013 on International Women\u2019s Day \u2013 it represented… Read more about Enabling Difficult Conversations to Be Respectful<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":196,"featured_media":7134,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1073],"tags":[42,94],"issues":[1275],"class_list":["post-7133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-magazine","tag-alastair-mckay","tag-bridge-builders","issues-2014-15"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/196"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7133"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7133\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7194,"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7133\/revisions\/7194"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7134"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7133"},{"taxonomy":"issues","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/emu.edu\/now\/peacebuilder\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/issues?post=7133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}